What is your career plan?

Are they serious with this one??

I mean, I can understand from the brightness of the word plan that this question can apply to everyone including those with careers already but if you don’t pick a part the question I feel like it’s a question for someone that’s younger.

I mean, I don’t think I’m not old just not that old right now. I have a game. It’s more of just a question and then people can guess the answer. Then in about a week I will reveal my real age.

I mean, I’m obviously an adult, but take the clues from me I guess. Or what I have written at least.

I have a tendency to act like a kid. People don’t usually believe me, but they can ask my daughters. They continuously roll their eyes at me and tell me to grow up. I will do that stuff around my mom to distract her from conversations with like my husband or my kids or my brother or just in general if I feel like fucking with her and she straight up, ignores me. Which is hilarious, because whenever we are around loud noises which could be going to a public place with loud kids, she freaks the fuck out. I mean she even freaks out when it’s loud and it’s me or my kids.

She said it’s an old person thing that happens to everyone but I don’t know if I believe that. When my kids were younger, I gave them pots and pans with kitchen. Utensils to bang on while I was cooking dinner or doing something and wanted to keep them occupied in one spot.

This never bothered me. I could tune it out so well. And not even just the pots and pan banging on like I could tune my kids out making any noises that I just didn’t want to pay attention to.

Then my mom would be like ‘how can you stand this?’ Then you’d hear me bitch because I could hear it. 

I think the funniest part is I never bitched at my kids or got mad at them when I noticed it, I got mad at my mom for mentioning it and making me notice it. it’s like why would you make me think about that shit?

That makes me think about smoking. I quit smoking after a while of smoking, but while I was quitting, I didn’t tell my mother. Her intentions are really good and her ideas are good. But when they come from her and go into my ears, they made me want to have a cigarette.

So luckily, I live two hours away when I was quitting and did not tell her until I actually had been smoke-free for like a month.

That actually makes me think of another situation, and I specifically saved my mother for last to tell about some thing, and set it up to do it in public so that she couldn’t scream at me.

I got pregnant, again, at 21, but I hid it from her.

I think that’s because of what happened when I told her the first time I got pregnant. I found myself pregnant at 19 years old in my second year of college. I have been using birth control pills and condoms.

Like seriously what the fuck?

She threw me at the abortion clinic I felt. I went along with it and had it done but they fucked up and I was in a lot of pain afterwards, so they put me back under and performed the abortion a second time.

Between people picketing, the women in the waiting room that were just abhorrent, and my genuine indecision about the situation was difficult. I never wanted kids. I never wanted to get married. I wanted to focus on my career and me. That’s all.

The second time I got pregnant was under the same circumstances. Birth control, and condoms were used. I didn’t want kids. I didn’t want another abortion. I couldn’t imagine giving my child up for adoption when I can take care of them. I was lost, but I decided she was meant to be. I told everyone I was pregnant finally

Everyone except my mom. But I gained 30 pounds before I even knew I was pregnant so when I did find out I was pregnant it was approximately 15 weeks and I was trying to hide the fact that none of my clothes fit anymore and I was huge! All while my grandma turned 80 and we had a surprise party for her in town and my entire family and extended family came.

People were wondering why I wasn’t drinking. I mean I was the big drinker of the family so it was weird.

I told my mom last. I took her out to dinner with sperm donors family. As we were walking in, I held her back by the arm and told her. Then I continued walking in and going to dinner. My mom didn’t. She stayed and smoked a few cigarettes even though she only smoked three day at the time. When she came in, she sat at the bar and had a strong drink. This was amusing, because no one else with us drank.

I think when my mom finally realized I was serious that I wasn’t going back to an abortion clinic, all she did was support me as a mother and be there for me. I don’t think my mom is a bad mother at all for what she did. I went along with it to. She was doing what she thought was best at the time based on her beliefs.

After my abortion, I went through hell emotionally. I dressed in baggy clothes and hoodie sweatshirts with the hood often up, took a lot for me to get out of that depression.

I will never forget that I was sitting on like a stoop at the University of Illinois at Chicago getting ready for class. Now remember I’m in baggy jeans with a hoodie on and the hood was pulled up over my head.

I’m sitting there and all of a sudden I hear “JENNA!!!!!” I looked up to see one of the friendliest faces I remembered and it was like the universe sent me what I needed. It was Raquel. We worked in the suburbs of Chicago at IHOP together. She lived in Woodstock and I was in Lake in the Hills, so we never went to school together but man it was great to see a familiar, friendly face at that moment. It was just what I needed. I snapped out of that depression quick.

So some simple, behavioral activation skills saved me.

OK I forgot to answer the question, but the statement above reminded me of work. I am a Registered Mental Health Therapist Intern in the state of Florida.

My career goals have been so fluid since I decided what I wanted to do when I was eight years old. I wanted to be a forensic psychologist. As I aged, and had to live with surprise, pregnancies, and this disease, it has become what it is now. I love my job. not only do I love being a therapist but I absolutely LOVE the company. I have spent my past three years with.

I originally was a T boss therapist in citrus county in 2013 after I graduated from grad school. But I ended up quitting my job after six months because my supervisor, who is supposed to be providing me supervision weekly, did not ever provide me with supervision. Not one supervision in six months. I could’ve been a horrible therapist that was horrible at my job and no one would’ve taught me any better!

I’m definitely working where I wanna be right now. I love my job and take it very seriously. This journal is a representation of my thoughts and feelings. This journal does not reflect how I conduct my work or sessions.

Fuck! I’m better than that! I did go to school for this and try very hard. I think my stepmom called me a lifelong student because I kept going back to school. But I only did college and 2 concurrent graduate degrees.