I don’t know what to do when I am in session after I get so depressed about my life. I try so hard to be normal but these feelings of sadness creep through and all I can think about is how I don’t deserve or need to be here anymore.

Its not even that I want to kill myself. I just don’t want to BE anymore. I don’t understand why I am like this. I want a different life where I am not sick with Multiple Sclerosis, Depression, or other things that I can’t handle.

Everyday is such a struggle what is the point of this continuous struggle?

I’m the problem. I know I am. I don’t know why anyone even cares anymore. I am over my behavior. I’m over feeling like I don’t belong…. Even at my own home I feel like an outsider. The only times that I feel better are when I am alone and imagining blackness surrounding me.

I want to find a hill with a blackhole at the end to walk off of. I want to disappear and have nothing.
Nothing sounds so great. I wish I was with nothing.